When You Have No Idea What You Are Doing…
Every time I sit down to write, no words come. None. No ideas. No wisdom. No encouragement. Nothing. Why?
Because I have no idea what I am doing! I have a strange feeling that many of you are in the same situation. The old is truly gone. The new really has not come. The present is just a blur of days and laundry and home school and feeding children and feeding them again and then feeding them again. Stay home. Go outside. Wear a mask. Wash your groceries. Texas should open. Texas should stay closed. Then there is the whole political side, which from where I am sitting, COVID-19 doesn’t seem to affiliate to any particular political party. The questions are many. The answers are few. The opinions are seriously unlimited. It really is exhausting.
So I thought that I would share a little bit about what is going on in our family….I am a wife, mom of three, educator (with no students), small business owner (with no business), daughter to high risk parents, and child of the Most High God.
1. I feel like a meme. One of the Steel Magnolia ones with Ouiser Boudreaux or Clairee Belcher depending on my mood. (If you haven’t seen this movie, put in on your Stay at Home To Do list).
2. I love my family and eating dinner together is my favorite although “too much togetherness” is also a real thing.
3. I miss people—but not all people. I miss my people. My “realest” friends who love me no matter what and let me be “me” no matter what that looks like.
4. I have a Love/Hate relationship with Zoom leaning farther to one side than the other.
5. I have completely failed in establishing a schedule.
6. I cannot decide if the thought of getting dressed in real clothes with my hair and make-up done makes me excited or gives me anxiety.
7. I have not found a new hobby, cleaned out all my closets, or developed any new skills.
8. I put far more of my identity in my job/professional self than I realized. I miss my colleagues. I miss my students.
9. I haven’t really “missed” all of the Netflix series that I thought I had missed.
10. I am trying to figure out what I will take with me into the new “normal.”
God has been so patient with me. I have so many feelings! I notice a distinct difference when I start my day with Praise and Worship. I have a playlist that I allow God to “shuffle” each morning when I am getting ready (I use that term lightly). The order of songs He ordains is always perfect. Even though I still struggle with anxiety, what the enemy has meant for evil by filling my mind with the “what if’s” and “if only’s”, the Holy Spirit has filled with “But God….” In my weakness, He has been so very strong. The discipline of praying Scripture is essential because His Word is certain in all of the chaos. We can do hard things—although admittedly I don’t want to do “this” hard thing for much longer. Whether or not we ever feel like we figure out what we are doing, we can’t forget that “Strength and dignity is our clothing and we smile without fear of the future" (Proverbs 31:25).
~Lisa Hughes Tyson