Never Settled – Peter Wise

Do you ever look back to where you were a month ago, a year ago, maybe five years ago?  Do you wish you could tell yourself things you know now?  “Hey, it’s going to be ok.  We get through this.  Now is not forever.  You’re going to end up somewhere that you can’t even see yet.  Just keep trusting The Father and keep hoping!”  I always thought that I had everything figured out; that I knew where I was going to be and what I was going to be doing.  When I started college I had so many plans, so many expectations, and none of those ideas ever came true.  They were always changing into something else.

Throughout my life I have always been surrounded by change; from schools, to churches, to friend groups, to majors, to living in different houses.  A couple of months ago when I was talking to a friend at church, I realized I typically resisted these changes because I wanted to be settled.  I wanted to be planted somewhere and then to grow.  As soon as I thought I was sitting down to rest, God would pick me up and push me to keep going. I started to doubt myself, and my mind began to wonder.  “Why can’t I have this?  Why won’t you give me my desires? Is there something wrong with me? Is it because I’m not disciplined enough or I’m not spiritual enough?”  I eventually came to a point where I was broken with nothing to give back to God.  Then, in this moment of no more expecting or wandering, I was presented with the idea of making another change; a change that was completely off of my radar and was completely vague in description: the Legacy Fellowship Program.

The Fellowship has quickly become the most important time in my life so far.  I have grown immensely from being disciplined, being more aware of my actions, and seeing things in a new light.  I’ve realized that throughout my life God has been with me in everything and training me to be adaptable.  I’m continuing to learn during this time what it truly means to live in a community; forced or not. Most of the time it’s quite challenging.  There’s always going to be somebody that you don’t get along with, but a former mentor of mine drilled this idea in my head.  He said that every person carries within them the “Imago Dei ”- the image of God.  So, when I’m speaking to another person, I am speaking to another one of God’s creations.  I am experiencing God in a sense, that if taken seriously, I can love this person more than I could with my superficial, limited perspective.  I have to make myself understand that whoever this individual is, wherever they come from, God has designed them with intent and purpose.

God is continuing to make changes in my life while I’m at Sky Ranch, and I am actually able to learn from Him because I have a different perspective.  I realize that in life, and especially in the Fellowship, all things can be beneficial in helping us to grow and become more like Christ (and it really does help to be flexible).  I’ve also learned that God is going to have His way one way or another in my life, and I can’t change the big picture He has for me.  I’m not going to fight Him anymore in where He wants to take me.  I’m open to where He wants to lead me and excited to see what He has for me next.  I know now that as long as I have Him, I can simply enjoy the ride.