What has been the hardest part of the fellowship? - Tiffany Jones

What has been the hardest part of the fellowship?

What has been the hardest part of the Fellowship?

Sophia asked me this one night after a day full of turn, fishball, and card games with our fellows and it honestly took me by surprise. I sat there and thought about all the superficial things that were hard for me and I wish I could change. I thought about having to share 2 washers and dryers with 8 girls, having to clean toilets and make beds that I didn't use more times than I could count, having to get up at 7 to make breakfast for strangers, having no time to hangout as intentionally as we wanted to as fellows, and then I thought about having Biblical accountability for my sin.

When we first joined the Fellowship we had to share our life stories with each other and I just did not want to. I did not know these people and I did not want to have to tell them my struggles from my life and what I was currently struggling with in this season of life. I sat there and listened for the first couple of nights to people sharing their lives and I watched the fellows rally around them and challenge them in their sin and their thought processes. I knew through watching the fellows support each other and listen intently and ask questions out of curiosity and not judgement I could be honest with them about my life and the struggles I am walking through. I told them about current struggles, my eating disorder, how I struggle to see myself the way God sees me, and the way that I do not like myself most times. I did not expect that by sharing these things I would be challenged and pushed hard in sanctification. I was hoping that I would be able to move on from that moment and pretend that I never shared those things but that is far from what happened. McKenna asked me at that moment what they could be doing for me in this season and I didn't know what to say so I asked for what I have always asked for in the past. I asked her for accountability in my relationship with myself, God, and food, and after that day I stepped into the most biblical accountability I have ever experienced in my life.

I did not want to let the fellows into what was going on in my brain and how I was feeling. I felt content with my mentor on camp and my friends back at home knowing my struggles but not the people I was doing life with so intensely every day. The fellows pursued me like no other though and would not let me hide and sit in my sin. They would ask pointed questions and challenge me when I would give vague answers or brush off their questions. They cared so deeply and wanted to know me and while I was in a season of pushing them away my mentor challenged me to let them into my life and it was the best thing I could have ever done. I started to be honest and ask for help and I am beginning to see my view of myself change. I am gaining a correct view of myself within God. I am working through hard things within my mindset and breaking free of chains that I did not think would be broken. The fellows holding me accountable for my sins is the hardest and the best thing in the Fellowship.

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