I Can See the Promise - Jacie Grygar
When Clinton Pfalser asked us to give one word that described where we were at in life, my word was mountain. In Westcliffe, Colorado I am surrounded by mountains. Nothing is flat except the valley, and there was a moment in time where the Sangres made me feel trapped. Trapped on a mountainside that I couldn’t run away from because I couldn’t see the other side. But here’s the thing, the mountains were not the cause of me feeling trapped, it was my thoughts. Essentially what was happening was that there were mountains of thoughts standing so tall in my mind that it made me feel trapped. I couldn’t sort through them, and there were too many boulders to dig up. As a result, this is what I wrote in my journal one day: I am on a boat in a never-ending sea; the waves of my thoughts crashing over me. The salt from the sea burning my eyes; my soul so downcast that it cries. Where is my Rock that is higher than I? Why, instead of drowning, can’t I learn how to fly? To soar so high that heaven is near; no pain or sorrow and nothing to fear. But I am still here sitting in my boat; barely alive but still afloat. God, You are sovereign. I know this is true. I see it each morning in the day You made new. But staring off into this darkness is not a place that I always want to be. One day my boat will finally reach land, but until that day comes my soul will forever reach out for Your hand. I’ll keep rowing until my arms can’t go, so make haste to find me as I start to slow. You said You would never leave me, so I know You are near. Keep me in You sight; I know You have already won this fight. The song Seasons talks about Christ’s loyal promise that we will grow even if the harvest is taking longer than we expected and that’s exactly where I was at. But eventually the healing came, and I honestly think that healing happens every day. We are in a constant process of picking up and carrying our cross, and every day God is making a way for us. So as God continues to take His time, I will patiently keep rowing and wait for the harvest that I will soon see. The Fellowship has taught me that the difficult seasons in my life usually come when I least expect it. I didn’t think that when I moved to Colorado to work at camp for a year that I would also experience healing that I never knew I needed. Praise the Lamb for space for healing and mountain air.
“I’m hurt and in pain; Give me space for healing and mountain air. Let me shout God’s name with a praising song, let me tell His greatness in a prayer of thanks. For God this is better than oxen on the alter, far better than blue ribbon bulls…He doesn’t walk out on the wretched. You heavens, praise Him; praise Him earth…” – Psalm 68:29-34