God’s goodness - Julie Adams
Heading into the Fellowship, I was dealing with a lot of bitterness and anger. I had gone throughout the past year wrestling with what I believed to be huge doubts about my faith in God, and if I was actually saved or not. I had built up so much fear around those topics, and I allowed the devil to work his way into my mind, altering the reality of what was really true. Over the course of five months, my emotions fluctuated from overly happy, to majorly depressed. I didn’t know how to express what I was feeling, how to admit my relationship with God was hanging on by a thread, and why I was lashing out to those around me.
One night, during an all-fellows worship, someone reminded me how quickly our view of God’s goodness can change based on our circumstances… how weak our view of his character can be when we view it based on our emotions/feelings, or things we can see right in front of us.
During those five months, I was trying to do everything on my own without God’s help. I was trying to control my emotions/feelings, control when and where I do things, and control the responses of people around me. I had such a tight grip on anything I could physically see, it felt like it was taking the breath out of me. I thank God that he allowed me to have a moment where I was able to slow down my thoughts just long enough to realize one profound truth - God’s goodness does not change based on what happens to you… not by others in the church or life’s circumstances.
I learned to let others in and to start trusting God based on the truth of His word, not on how I feel. It wasn’t an overnight transformation, and it’s still an ongoing process. However, this year has taught me to look at others before myself and look beyond my current circumstances to something more eternal. Joining the fellowship is exactly what I thought it would be, but also completely different than what I was initially expecting. I am so thankful for God allowing me to be a part of this year, and I can’t wait to see what else I learn these next 7 months.