Discovering Myself in the Light of Himself - Jahlil Daniels

Okay, here is where I put a stake in the ground and allow myself to be vulnerable for you to see: I didn’t really know myself that well before the Fellowship.

However, I did know the environment and the people I was being shaped by before. I could carefully analyze my surroundings and others yet could not analyze myself in the same manner. I somehow disillusioned myself into truly thinking I possessed all the features of a person who has a good handling on what was in his heart and in his mind. 

Twenty-two years of my life in Georgia - everything. So, making the move to do the Fellowship in Texas was a frightening yet fruitful one (where I come to find out later). I had no choice but to be formed by God’s Word and gather a true sense of myself - largely due to the lack of familiarity and safety I have always had with friends and family back in Georgia. I no longer could morph or base myself on the premises of the people around me. I began to discover what I like and what I didn’t like and how to best recharge in order to be a better servant and brother to those around me. I discovered that the Lord truly did fearfully and wonderfully fashion me together. I finally understood that it was okay that I was wired the way I am. I didn’t need to chameleon-ize (yes, I just made that word up) myself, but to live and exist fully in light of what the Lord has spoken over me, and about me. Nonetheless, it’s worth noting that this wasn’t overnight; this was through consciously enduring the uncomfortableness of feeling both alone and lonely, working through conflict, dying to self, and committing to being a better representation of Christ than I was yesterday. It was through the hard parts of this program that my identity was revealed. The reality of my sinful self was intersected with the character & identities of the Lord - a Wonderful Counselor, a Mighty God, an Eternal Father, and the Prince of Peace. He showed me myself, and my sin, in light of Himself, and, for that, I’m forever grateful.

I was not consciously aware of what it truly meant to be a son of the One who created the universe. The more I ground myself in the understanding of how life-changing that statement is, the more I have come to realize how powerful His Word is in equipping me. His good and faithful Word is truly living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And the most beautiful, relevant, and faithful way He unveiled that to me was through the Fellowship. It was through a community of men and women that were meant to reveal my sin to me. Work experience that was meant to shape me. Leadership roles that were meant to grow me. And opportunities of spiritual formation that was meant to equip me.

Lastly, to know who I was, I first had to know who I belonged to and the implications of such a weighty and beautiful thing. I had to know Him for who He was, and not for what I wanted Him to be. Through forsaking the fear of intimacy, the fear of man, & the fear of what it would look like to faithfully, day-in-and-day-out, walk in a manner worthy of the Gospel of Christ, not for my own sake, but for the sake and glory of the Lord, I begin to witness His sanctifying power in my life – the power that is making me mirror His Son, my Older Brother. And here comes the important part: I had to become completely dependent upon the Spirit that was gifted to me, the Son who was sent on my behalf, and the Father who saw fit to call me His own. I had to grasp and cling to that statement to truly know myself, & simultaneously and unintentionally, be what the program was intended to do - “refining future leaders” - and boy, did it do that!