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by Mackenzie Shaver on October 13, 2015
Howdy! My name is Jaclyn Boese. I graduated from Texas A&M this past May and then had one of the greatest summers working at Sky Ranch Ute Trail. Now I have the privilege of serving alongside thirteen other incredible people as a Legacy X Fellow.
I’m a little shy and don’t like being the center of attention. Do I like who I am? Sure, most of the time. Am I a child of God? Yes. Do I believe that Jesus is the Savior of the world and only through Him can I have eternal life? 100% absolutely. What is different between these answers? Confidence. I have confidence in my identity in Christ Jesus and who He is, but is it really confidence if I try to hide the person God created me to be?
Confidence defined by Oxford is the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something. It’s one of those things that yes we know our confidence has to be in the Lord, but it’s harder to live out. The past two months in the Fellowship, I have put confidence in my experience or personality, and it didn’t work out too well. I couldn’t even go to the front of the room and say my name without rehearsing it five times in my head. Yikes. Thoughts such as, “Oh I’m not funny,” or “I hope I don’t say anything wrong,” or “remember not to mumble, and annunciate your words Jaclyn,” raced through my head. When I’m in front of people I put pressure on myself to be pretty close to perfect. It’s unrealistic and definitely not a freeing way to live.
Once again, the Father has to remind me that the confidence I’m searching for really can’t be found in others, or in myself, if I want to be completely free of others’ expectations and my own perfectionism. To live confident, I must look only to my Maker. He alone knows the “real” me; the girl he “knit together” in the womb; the girl He calls “fearfully and wonderfully made;” the girl He values at the price of His one and only Son; the girl I was born to be.
He alone knows the attention to detail that often leads to the pit of perfectionism can also be a gift of precision and organization in cleaning closets. He alone knows the smiling face that hides a fragile heart, but a heart that easily lends itself to sympathy for students in the O.E. program. He alone knows the tendency to push people that often comes in a critical voice can reveal undaunted optimism on the ropes course. And so many other flaws that I find so obvious in myself, He has ultimately meant for my good and to be used for His glory. You see, we don’t serve a God who creates mistakes. All fourteen of us Fellows are different, yet we are each here for a reason. It is important that we allow those differences to surface, so together we can create a complete body.
Still, how do we reclaim confidence that lasts? We look to Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith! We trust in Philippians 1:6 which claims He began a work in us that He promises to carry on until completion.
Sin temporarily hijacks our child-of-God identity, the world teaches us that we will never be enough, and the pride and insecurity of self often confirmss the lies. But the amazing truth is that we don’t have to be enough because He is already everything for us. It’s this Christ-confidence that sets us free! With Christ’s help a better version of being true-to-self will surface.
This girl will speak up even when the voices inside tell her to avoid the risk. She will combat lies with the truth of the Word. She will claim victory in imperfect progress. I am Christ-confident.
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